A few months had passed since both my grandma and dad passed away. The days were up and down, along with the emotions being all over the place. It was very frustrating at times, as I would just burst out into tears or just get angry for now reason. My son was the same way, I heard him sometimes crying in his room. I felt so bad for him and just wanted to take all the pain away for him and make his world whole. Though sadly I just couldn't do that and it broke my heart.
Halloween came around and it was a sad day. I always took my son up to my grandma's house for Halloween to trick or treat and for her to see his costume. He loved it as he got to run into her house yelling, "trick or treat." This year it didn't happen and it was hard on both of us. He wanted grandma to see his awesome cost, but sadly that just couldn't happen.
I would then take him over to my parents to go trick or treating, and my dad would always tease him about stealing all of his candy. He would tell Papa, that he couldn't do that, but if he was a good boy he would give him a piece. It was so sweet. I did take him over to see my mom, and he got a little trick or treat. Yet you could see the sadness on his eyes, that his Papa didn't come tease him about the candy. It was so quiet, and very sad.
My son did perk up when I took him trick or treating. He got excited and started running. Plus he was so happy he got some of his favorite candies. All in all we did manage to get through the first holiday without both of them. Perhaps next year will be a little easier or it could be a little harder, as we are still in that shocked stage, where things don't feel real.
Showing posts with label dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dad. Show all posts
Dad's Funeral
Getting ready for another funeral just plain sucks. Especially trying to get a child ready for one that he doesn't want to go to because he just went to one. I felt bad for him, and I really wish that there was some way that I could take the pain away for him.
We arrived at the funeral home and there were a lot of people already there. My dad knew a lot of people and has a large family. Some of these people I haven't seen in a while or I never met them because they life far away. My dad's ex-wife was there as well, as were my half brother and sister. My half sister didn't even acknowledge me and she didn't even contact me before the funeral. Plus I found out later this night that she defriended me on Facebook as well. I couldn't believe the nerve of her to do that on the day of our dad's funeral.
I was talking to my sister and cousin, when a man walked it. He freaked me out so much, as he looked so much like my dad. My mom brought him over and it was my uncle Stan, who was my dad's youngest brother. I had never met him, and he said it was nice to meet me after all this time. I told him it was 35 years, and he said it shouldn't have been that long. Felt kind of bad for him. My son was so freaked out as here was this man that looked like his papa, but wasn't his papa. Stan bent down and told my son how much his papa loved him and how he always talked about his little buddy and the stuff they did. I thought that was sweet of him to do and I think it helped my little boy out.
The service was nice and I thought it was very fitting. I didn't write a poem for the funeral, I just couldn't do it. So I read a quote that I found, along with Psalm 23. After the service it was time to go up to the cemetery. That is when things kind of got ugly. When my dad's ashes were being loaded up into the hearse, my half sister and dad's ex-wife litereally pushed my mom out of the way so they could be there. My mom should have been there as that was her spot. I was helping my mom get there, when she was pushed out of the way. I told them that wasn't there place, and they just stood there looking dumb.
At the cemetery, my sister went over and said something to the ex-wife and half sister. They were rude to her so my sister called them a bitches. The Navy had representatives there, and people from the Veterans. He had a beautiful military solute. It was the first time I had seen one as my grandpa didn't want one for his time served in the army during World War 2. I'm glad that we had one for my dad as it was an amazing experience. When the 21 gun salute was going on, it hit my mom that this was it. I felt so bad for her, I was staying strong for her and holding my feelings in. She was crying when the guy from the Navy handed her the folded up flag.
My best friend flew out from back east to be there for the funeral and it made me so happy that she was there. Though the was horrified at the way my Dad's family were acting, and I was embarrassed that they couldn't keep it together for the funeral.
My uncle Roy told us that we could kiss his behind as he didn't care what we thought or what we wanted. My half brother took all of the casings from the salute, handing them out to my dads brothers, and making sure my son didn't get one, even though he was promised one. It was just so sad the way that they were acting, as there was no need for it. It is sad that family has to act that way, when you are supposed to be pulling together.
After everyone left, my mom and sister were talking by the car. While they were talking, I watched them bury my dad's ashes. I just couldn't look way, no matter how much I wanted to. It was bothering me that he was being buried, even though I knew he was gone. It is just something that I really can't describe.
We arrived at the funeral home and there were a lot of people already there. My dad knew a lot of people and has a large family. Some of these people I haven't seen in a while or I never met them because they life far away. My dad's ex-wife was there as well, as were my half brother and sister. My half sister didn't even acknowledge me and she didn't even contact me before the funeral. Plus I found out later this night that she defriended me on Facebook as well. I couldn't believe the nerve of her to do that on the day of our dad's funeral.
I was talking to my sister and cousin, when a man walked it. He freaked me out so much, as he looked so much like my dad. My mom brought him over and it was my uncle Stan, who was my dad's youngest brother. I had never met him, and he said it was nice to meet me after all this time. I told him it was 35 years, and he said it shouldn't have been that long. Felt kind of bad for him. My son was so freaked out as here was this man that looked like his papa, but wasn't his papa. Stan bent down and told my son how much his papa loved him and how he always talked about his little buddy and the stuff they did. I thought that was sweet of him to do and I think it helped my little boy out.
The service was nice and I thought it was very fitting. I didn't write a poem for the funeral, I just couldn't do it. So I read a quote that I found, along with Psalm 23. After the service it was time to go up to the cemetery. That is when things kind of got ugly. When my dad's ashes were being loaded up into the hearse, my half sister and dad's ex-wife litereally pushed my mom out of the way so they could be there. My mom should have been there as that was her spot. I was helping my mom get there, when she was pushed out of the way. I told them that wasn't there place, and they just stood there looking dumb.
At the cemetery, my sister went over and said something to the ex-wife and half sister. They were rude to her so my sister called them a bitches. The Navy had representatives there, and people from the Veterans. He had a beautiful military solute. It was the first time I had seen one as my grandpa didn't want one for his time served in the army during World War 2. I'm glad that we had one for my dad as it was an amazing experience. When the 21 gun salute was going on, it hit my mom that this was it. I felt so bad for her, I was staying strong for her and holding my feelings in. She was crying when the guy from the Navy handed her the folded up flag.
My best friend flew out from back east to be there for the funeral and it made me so happy that she was there. Though the was horrified at the way my Dad's family were acting, and I was embarrassed that they couldn't keep it together for the funeral.
My uncle Roy told us that we could kiss his behind as he didn't care what we thought or what we wanted. My half brother took all of the casings from the salute, handing them out to my dads brothers, and making sure my son didn't get one, even though he was promised one. It was just so sad the way that they were acting, as there was no need for it. It is sad that family has to act that way, when you are supposed to be pulling together.
After everyone left, my mom and sister were talking by the car. While they were talking, I watched them bury my dad's ashes. I just couldn't look way, no matter how much I wanted to. It was bothering me that he was being buried, even though I knew he was gone. It is just something that I really can't describe.
Loosing My Dad
I just couldn't escape death that summer. It seemed to linger, to remind us that it was still here and that none of us were safe from it. Just six weeks and one day later, my dad died. That one was such a shock, as he was so healthy. My mom and I were picking out the headstone for my grandma, when he died. Crazy thing is that morning when I saw him, he was doing great. He said he was having a wonderful day and was feeling so good.
After picking out the headstone my mother and I went shopping. When we came home, we didn't see my dad anywhere. My son was going to go look for him out by the back door, when all of a sudden I called out no. My son stopped and looked at me with a really puzzled look on his face. So we went home and a little bit later my mom called me saying she found my dad dead, outside by the back door. That was the same door my son was going to go. I am so glad I was prompted to say no to him as it would have been so horrible for him to find his beloved papa dead.
My mom was in shock and when I got to her house, I started sobbing, begging her to never leave me. I was three fourths an orphan (my mom's parents helped raise me) now, and I hated it. I didn't know what to think about it. I felt so bad and I was in disbelief that he was gone, especially after seeing him that morning looking fantastic. I called my aunt and she started crying. I tried to get a hold of my one sister, but couldn't. So I had to leave her a voicemail, and text, along with a Facebook message for her to call our mom. I called my half brother and told him, he was upset as he was supposed to come down the next day to take our dad out to dinner. Our dad was looking forward to it.
My dad's one brother in law came over that night and talked with us. He was kind and I know my mom appreciated it so much. When I went back over to my mom's after talking to my sister, we had to break the news to my son. My mom told him that Papa isn't here anymore, and he looked at her confused. So I had to tell him that Papa is in heaven, and he just looked at me, while holding onto to my mom. Then we told him he died. My son started to cry and said, "What did he do that for?" He was so devastated as he was so close to my dad. They were buddies and did everything together. My poor little one had just lost his grandmother and now his papa. Later that day, my mom started cleaning out her dishes and getting rid of things that were both hers and my dads. I called my sister and told her what was going on, so she tried talking to my mom and all my mom said was that she didn't want them anymore. I think it was her way of trying to deal with the death.
My other half sister was being a bitch to my mom, making demands and stuff. So my sister took care of it and told the other one to not call my mom. My one aunt called late in the afternoon and then no one called my mom until my other aunt called her Monday night. It was so horrible. I was so mad at them for not call my mom. They should have been there and called her. It was so sad.
The funeral arrangements weren't too bad, my brother wanted to be there to make them. He wasn't that happy with the headstone we picked out. My dad served in the Navy, so his stone was paid for my the veterans. The stone was white with grey veins through it It will have have his rank in the navy on it.
After picking out the headstone my mother and I went shopping. When we came home, we didn't see my dad anywhere. My son was going to go look for him out by the back door, when all of a sudden I called out no. My son stopped and looked at me with a really puzzled look on his face. So we went home and a little bit later my mom called me saying she found my dad dead, outside by the back door. That was the same door my son was going to go. I am so glad I was prompted to say no to him as it would have been so horrible for him to find his beloved papa dead.
My mom was in shock and when I got to her house, I started sobbing, begging her to never leave me. I was three fourths an orphan (my mom's parents helped raise me) now, and I hated it. I didn't know what to think about it. I felt so bad and I was in disbelief that he was gone, especially after seeing him that morning looking fantastic. I called my aunt and she started crying. I tried to get a hold of my one sister, but couldn't. So I had to leave her a voicemail, and text, along with a Facebook message for her to call our mom. I called my half brother and told him, he was upset as he was supposed to come down the next day to take our dad out to dinner. Our dad was looking forward to it.
My dad's one brother in law came over that night and talked with us. He was kind and I know my mom appreciated it so much. When I went back over to my mom's after talking to my sister, we had to break the news to my son. My mom told him that Papa isn't here anymore, and he looked at her confused. So I had to tell him that Papa is in heaven, and he just looked at me, while holding onto to my mom. Then we told him he died. My son started to cry and said, "What did he do that for?" He was so devastated as he was so close to my dad. They were buddies and did everything together. My poor little one had just lost his grandmother and now his papa. Later that day, my mom started cleaning out her dishes and getting rid of things that were both hers and my dads. I called my sister and told her what was going on, so she tried talking to my mom and all my mom said was that she didn't want them anymore. I think it was her way of trying to deal with the death.
My other half sister was being a bitch to my mom, making demands and stuff. So my sister took care of it and told the other one to not call my mom. My one aunt called late in the afternoon and then no one called my mom until my other aunt called her Monday night. It was so horrible. I was so mad at them for not call my mom. They should have been there and called her. It was so sad.
The funeral arrangements weren't too bad, my brother wanted to be there to make them. He wasn't that happy with the headstone we picked out. My dad served in the Navy, so his stone was paid for my the veterans. The stone was white with grey veins through it It will have have his rank in the navy on it.
