First Mother's Day

The first Mother's Day without my grandma was very hard, and emotional.  She died Thursday and Mother's Day was that Sunday, so she had only been gone for three days.  She always came down to my parents the day before and we would have a bbq and give her presents.  Then I would always call her the next day to wish her a happy Mother's Day.  It was a special routine, and for the first time in my life it was gone.  I just didn't know how to handle it and I spent most of the day in tears.

I called my mom first to wish her a Happy Mother's Day, and I couldn't get a hold of her.  I tried her cell phone and her home phone.  No one answered  I had a complete melt down and started to panic.  After a while I finally got a hold of her, and I was in tears. She felt bad, but she was on the phone with someone else.  It is so crazy how grief can do that to a person.

Out of habit I picked up my phone and I called my grandma as well.  The phone just rang and rang.  I was getting so mad that she wasn't answering.  I don't know what I really expected.  I knew she was gone, but there was this glimmer of hope that she would answer the phone and all would be right in my world.  She never answered the phone and I just ended up in tears.

It is hard to go through a holiday right after you have lost a loved one.  It just isn't the same, and you are in such a state of disbelief that you are not even sure you are awake or dreaming.